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November 11, 2008 - a brand new start

My dear Inga,

 

I picked this spot on your site to start with my new sobriety cheer for you, and I'm very happy to see you starting over again. I'm also very proud of you, because I know it's not easy!

This is another thing I love about you..... that after every stumble, you pick yourself up, and try harder to succeed.... and I know, with God's help, you will make it..... I believe in you!!!

 

 

This picture shows so beautifully the new beginning.... it shows us the beginning of a new day, for me it symbolizes the beginning of a new chapter in your life. I'm very grateful to be part of it, and I wish you all the strength you need, to never pick up another drink!

 

Today you have already reached  10 DAYS - I'm so proud of you!

 

My love, my thoughts and my prayers will accompany you on this path of recovery - may God be with you!

 

Love   Gina

I took this from Gina's site....

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Talking about Peace to the World

Light of Peace from Bethlehem

Since 1989 the Austrian Boy Scouts and Girl Guides have been distributing the "Light of Peace from Bethlehem" initiated by the ORF. Starting from Vienna it goes to more than 20 European countries. In 2000 it reached North America for the first time.

The idea of the "ORF Light of Peace from Bethlehem" is closely connected with the birth of Jesus. It reminds us at the announcement of peace on the fields of the shepherds more than 2000 years ago. Therefore the distribution to the public should be very close to X-mas.

Many people have been devoted to a peaceful co-operation since the beginning of the "Light of Peace" in 1986. Thus it is sensible to agree on a mutual distribution with those persons or groups. You may co-ordinate a solemn handing over to secular and/or clerical personalities.

Using a symbol on an appropriate occasion to keep the coherence: Hints on this modern X-mas custom should underline the mutual as well as the origin in all leaf-lets and homepages.

copied from    http://www.ppoe.at/leiter/spiri/friedenslicht/englisch-01.html

 

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Women's World Day of Prayer

 World Day of Prayer – Who We Are
An Ecumenical Movement of Informed Prayer and Prayerful Action

World Day of Prayer is a worldwide movement of Christian women of many traditions who come together to observe a common day of prayer each year, and who, in many countries, have a continuing relationship in prayer and service. 

™  It is a movement initiated and carried out by women in more than 170 countries and regions.

™  It is a movement symbolized by an annual day of celebration – the first Friday of March – to which all people are welcome.

™  It is a movement which brings together women of various races, cultures and traditions in closer fellowship, understanding and action throughout the year.

Through World Day of Prayer, women around the world

™  affirm their faith in Jesus Christ

™  share their hopes and fears, their joys and sorrows, their opportunities and needs.

Through World Day of Prayer, women are encouraged

™  to become aware of the whole world and no longer live in isolation

™  to be enriched by the faith experience of Christians of other countries and cultures

™  to take up the burdens of other people and pray with and for them

™  to become aware of their talents and use them in the service of society.

Through World Day of Prayer, women affirm that prayer and action are inseparable and that both have immeasurable influence in the world. 

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Quote of the Day

You must not lose faith in humanity.

Humanity is an ocean;

if a few drops of the ocean are dirty,

 the ocean does not become dirty.

 

~  Mahatma Gandhi  ~

 

 

Life appears to me too short

to be spent in nursing animosity

or registering wrong.

 

Charlotte Bronte

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Das ORF - Friedenslicht (The ORF-Light of Peace from Bethlehem)

The ORF-Light of Peace from Bethlehem    (http://friedenslicht.orf.at/english.html)

The ORF-Light of Peace from Bethlem is not a magical symbol which is able to bring peace by itself. It tries to remind us all to bring peace to our world and it tries to raise awareness for peace in our every day life. The small flame which is passed on from candle to candle, from hand to hand should be a sign for peace between us all.

Just like the light is given from one candle to another, peace should be spread as well. On the 24th of December millions of homes will have the ORF-Light of Peace from Bethlehm in their homes as a symbol for global awareness, that peace is the one thing that binds us all together.

Every year a child from Upper Austria brings the Light of Peace from Jesus Christ's place of birth to Linz, Austria. From there the Light is distributed all over Europe.

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An Inspirational Story

The Cracked Pot

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water..

At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream “I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.”

The old woman smiled, “Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side? That’s because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.”

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it’s the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You’ve just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

Have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

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Quote of the Day

"Reflect upon your blessings, of which every man has plenty, not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some."

-Charles Dickens

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I took this off Wendy's site, thought it was a neat way to start this 'blob'!!!

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So lucky I am

So Inga arrived and within an hour we had spoken to my sister and made plans to return to Montreal tomorrow for a few days in hopes of finding out the income situation from there. After a few deadend phone calls I tried calling the Herzal back to see if they knew how I could go about getting disability in Quebec. the secertary Edith, I'm sure shes the one I use to always talk to as she seems to remember me personally or is just a real good acter (I lend towards the first of those two) Anyways I found out I need an assessment before I can apply for it. So she booked me an appointment for Monday. How great is that? which means the paper work will be started next week!!!I fear (in a in a good way) that I'm no longer in need of Disability and would pass the assessment but we'll see if that doesn't happen theres always walfare. I only need it for a few months anyways. So I can get on my feet etc..before faceing the challenage of a 40hour a week job or school. On another note Inga and I are going to have a holiday at the same time, visiting old Montreal, taking the kids for a day to do toddler things and see some of my old grounds/friends. Plus of course see my Nikki and Dayle. ...thats all for now but fear not I'll keep you posted on this complex journay I've just embarked on.

 

 

 

 

 

ARGH!!! I had written tons, and lost it. I hate when that happens. I just got home a day ago. Wendy and I spent te best 4 days, 3 nights on a girls adventure. What a blast! I'm still smiling, and in high spirits because of it.

 

Thank God for the spontaneous part of me, because Wendy had a situation that required her presence in Quebec, and I've always wanted to see 'Old Montreal'. Wendy had no idea I was going to propose an adventure, but I doubt she was too surprised. I love doing things like that.

 

We made plans by the minute, and it was special for me to only have to focus on having fun. Wendy is a beautiful soul, and seeing her smiles made me smile. Lot's of smiles! Moments of sheer joy. I brought 'Critter', my little grey kitten from the scrapyard, concerned of being separated from her for so long, and she happily snuggled with 'Floppy', completely comfy. The cat, formerly named Critter was spoiled beyond words. She had the best time I think. Wendy and I mulled over a few names, but nothing was perfect. Than she said 'Harmony', and I think we both knew that was the perfect name. I mean, it surely describes how I feel when I'm around her. Just saying the name makes me smile. Truly, a perfect name. Thanks mommy Wendy!

 

As I said, plans were changed by the moment, and we had set out to reunite with and stay at Wendy's sisters house. By the time we got to our destination (hehe....I always get Montreal and Quebec confused!) it was late, so we decided on getting a room. My first choice was a Quality Inn I think. I parked and went inside. It had started to rain too I think. I was told the price of the rooms, and needed only to show my drivers license. Immediately, and to my horror, I recalled finding my license in a puddle of water, the day before, and had taken out my I.D. to let it dry. In other words, I didn't have my driver's license with me!!! That alone was upsetting but I was also told without one, no room. Even my offer of cash didn't sway him, although he did suggest a 'motel', where a need for a drivers license would not be a problem. I'm so glad that happened actually, because not only was the roomj less expensive, it had it's own entry to the outside. Much nicer than wall to wall rooms. It was really big...big enough to offer a Sofa, and we each had a nice big bed to ourselves, with really nice linen. I suggested we pay and stay a few nights, and Wendy happily agreed. It was done! Nice to have a place to 'hang your hat', and a perfect spot for Harmony, when we were out. After a quick 'bed dibs', we all just flopped. I was so grateful we past the I.D. issue, but still concerned that I didn't have it on me. And, Ontario plates stand out bigtime in Quebec...those matters would have to wait til tomorrow though. As I recall, Wendy called her sister and went for a visit? Cant' remember. Wendy will. Anyways, I know after a few flicks of the T.V. stations, most in French, I decided on one of the free video's the Hotel offered. I might have made it through half, before I fell into a blissful sleep. It really helped my thought process, which was getting so overwhelming I had considered the hospital, a few short hours earlier. This trip was so healing, but....I fell asleep....

 

until I awoke, at around a delicious 9:30 AM. That's very late for me. I usually rise around 5 or 6 AM. It felt good to greet this brand new day, filled with all sorts of possibilities!!! Neat feeling!

 

to be cont'd...

October 25 1:05 PM
(http://CANUKIAN1.spaces.live.com/)

 

 

We made it to Montreal and Quebec...thanks Wendy, for showing me the place you call home...a fantastic 4 days, 3 nights, filled with laughs, love and even some siteseeing! You were a fantastic help in navigating my away around this complex, and in many ways, very different province. As I reflect on those wonderful days, I know we were being watched over. Thank you too, for this special memory. Everytime something 'good' enters my brain, a bad part gets kicked out. No room!!! Hehehehe......so let's create a ton of good memories....and Im doing a blog, here, on how I saw the city, and the people I was so priviledged to meet...Wendy's family. One thing I think is certain...this is Wendy's home, she is surrounded by love, and it's where she needs to go. I see it in her face, I hear it in her words. My 'emotional mind' is sad, sad, sad. I will miss living so close to Wendy. There is also alot of happiness...as I said, its all over Wendy's face, how happy she is. She couldn't hide it even if she wanted too. My wise mind tells me if I can navigate the streets of Quebec/Montreal...I can make it out to where you live! I forgot the 3rd 'mind'....lol.....Ms. Linehan is not going to be impressed with me. Anyways, I love you L'il One, and I'm achingly happy for all the wonderful things I know your going to have. And, of course, there is technology. Gina and I would never have met, had it not been for the internet......that rhymes!

 

Anyhoooooooo...you are loved Wendy...so much, by so many....truly a testament to your special spirit!

 

  

Still enjoying all my memories of this whirlwind tour we took of Monteal and Quebec... I don't remember everything in chronological order, but I remember all the events!   And I met Wendy's amazing family!!!   As we parked, I saw people coming out to greet us! That's something new to me, and so soon Wendy was being covered in hugs and kisses. I met Dayle, Wendy's sister first, and I couldn't help but notice beautiful she is, and there is a familial resemblance! I also met Nick, Dayle's wonderful husband. And these two loving people have two of the most beautiful children I have ever seen, Daniel, aged 3, and Valerie, aged 1. They were so excited to see their 'auntie Wendy', while glancing shyly in my direction. I too, am shy around children, although I always feel especially blessed dwhen they allow me into their own little worlds. I had a very nice conversation with Daniel...he's so polite, it was very special to me.  The home is stunning. A big home. Outside, there are remnants of the summer's flowers....and I can tell the garden was amazing. It doesn't have that 'manicured' look, which is what draws me to it. I loved it, and took quite a few pictures.   We all headed indoors, and I was immediately struck by the most spectacular 'kids room' I've ever seen!!! About the size of a dining room, this part of the house, to the right as you come in, is clearly a children's space. Every possible color, pictures, toys, paintings, a chalkboard, all kids things...and a ton of love.  As this is the first thing you see when you go into their home, it's clear this is a home where children are cherished and treasured and loved.I could easily imagine the joy a child must feel, to know their parents think they are so important, they have their own, very special space. Pics will be posted soon! Dayle was a gracious host, and took me for a tour of the house. What a house. Really, in spite of it's beingbig, it's a very warm home. Lot's of neat 'details'...lots of love everywhere. 'Kodak Moments' encased in some of the most creative frames I've ever seen.  It's as if the walls of the home are a background for creativity, and that's where the details lay. Just stunning. A feast for the senses. I sure can understandwhy Wendy wants to move closer to this special lady, and her family. I wish I'd had a sister...just like Dayle. She doesn't hide her love for her baby sister Wendy. It's such a pure, beautiful love...family is everything...and Wendy, wow, she just shines in this environment. Always with Valerie in her arms, and Daniel close by, it's clear auntie Wendy is adored by them. And she adores them. The most beautiful pictures I've ever seen, are the ones with Wendy holding the children...I can almost imagine how it might be for the little ones. Wendy has such a child-like presence, it must be like having this big new toy!! Wendy knows how to play, and she knows how to play with children. She's fun to be around, and loves kids movies and shows. She loves coloring, painting, all that creative stuff, and I saw examples of her last visit, and how she had played with Dayle and Valerie. I always feel younger, more playful, when I'm around Wendy, and I think I'm nicer too. I have not forgotten how much pain I once brought into her life, into her world, which increases my insight and awareness, but only if I stay sober. Without sobriety, there is nothing.       Again, with the damaged recall...Can't remember the order, just the events. My recall is damaged due to chemotherapy...I too fought for my life...and won. I've never had to undergo radiation, and can't imagine how awful the two combined must be. Still praying Vincent. Forever in my heart...     It was one of our smarter ideas, to rent the hotel room for 3 days. It gave us a base. It gave us a floor to throw our stuff on....hangers to hang our 'nice outfit', as we'd planned, and did have, a nice dinner in a fancy restaurant (that you Sinead?). Everything looked very clean, and the sheets smelled nice. There was even a little fridge.  We both had our stuffed animals with us, and Wendy even brought her pillow. That's the neat thing about owning a big truck, you have space for those things, and they are important. We acquired some new 'fluffies', and I'm wondering if you have registered that blue thing on the internet? There was a little fridge, a place for doggie bags and Pepsi!!! There were lot of mirrors (yes, over the bed, lol). It also had a large bathroom, great or baths I'm told! Newly laundered towels were put in the bathroom everyday, as were our linens, and it was always clean! We were treated very well!        That last picture is made special because Wendy told me she took it when I was talking to Gina! Thank you honey!   We had brunch ('while in Rome...'!) and lucky Dayle, obviously favoured by the staff, She was given the traditional French way of greeting others, a kiss on both cheeks, twice....what a neat way of greeting someone. Thank God for Wendy, her French is eloquent, and helped us continuously...as bilingualism is almost non-existant. Contrary to what the rest of Ontario does, Quebec is not bilingual...and French is the dominant language. I admire those who are bilingual. I couldn't have taken this trip without Wendy, and I now realize I wouldn't...she made this trip much of what it was....very fun, relaxing, refreshing and special. Thank you L'il One!   While Wendy went over to see her sister and family, I would either journal, read or watch tv. Alot of it was in French as well, but the hotel did provide free VHS movies! Took me a few attempts, but was finally able to focus on a really good movie called 'The Illusionist'. I liked it, but you definately have to be focused, due to it's elaborate plot. It's a movie you could see a few times, and see something new. And I was thrilled to discover I could consider painful things, without falling apart. I did some of my most intense journaling, under a tree, in a parking lot, waiting on Wendy...I was able to 'decide', on a daily basis, several times a day, what kind've day I want to make this. Since I had decided I was going to have fun...I did. We did.   Wendy spent alot of quality time with her family, and was always chatting happily when she returned from these visits. That was definately a gift...wonderful to see Wendy so happy.                                                                               And than there was TASHEREAU!!!   In retrospect, I should have a T=shirt that reads, 'I survived the Tashereau Rue?' OMG, I've never seen anything like this roadway...   This incredible roadway has a posted speed of 70/km!!! It's like a bloody highway! And I'm certain I'm the only one actually doing 70km!!! My Ontario plates, blonde hair, and well....being a chick, put me in some perilous positions! It was not to my advantage, that's for sure! Poor Wendy, said it's the first time she's actually 'felt' what it's like to drive...as I think and talk...not always in that order.....or at the same time....needless to say, it's left an imprint on her, (me as well!!!) as we were almost hit by an 18 wheeler, I"m midway, to the right of his trailer, and he signals, to go into the same freakin' lane!!! I must've been in his 'blind spot', and Im guessing fatigue, for had I not pulled into the shoulder, and slowed down, we would've been hit, as he completed the entire lane change without hestitation...and that was before we got pulled over by the police....   Yup, 'Murphy's Law', and my antenna was so sharp. I'm driving at night, which I hate because my headlights are inadequate for safe night driving. About 5 minutes earlier, my speedometer gauge started flying back and forth, from 0 to 125, over and over...things were not peach keen. I see this parked cop car in the meridian, and like everybody else, I slowed down. By this point, my speedometer seemed back to normal, when I notice the cop car pull out onto the highway (401 East). As I'm watching him, he's 'pacing' me...and I have a real sense I'm being pulled over. The roof lights started flashing, and I'm pulling over. He approached our car and requested my license and registration. Of course, I don't have my license, it's gleaming in the back of my mind, back home, on the dishwasher, where I left it to dry out. I stammered this out to the policeman, and he just took my I.D., insurance and registration. When he returned, he explained that someone had called me in, my vehicle. Apparantly I was doing 60km, and the posted was 100km....it was also reported I was weaving in and out of lanes. The policeman acknowledged I wasn't 'under the influence', and I got totally rewarded. He could've slapped me with hundreds of dollars worth of fines...but nothing....he gave me some advice about my speedometer, said I should get a mechanic to 'load it'...he also offered the upcoming off ramp as a good place to go...the weather was still shitty...and my vehicle in substandard shape, mechanically. Thank God I was sober. Thank God that policeman 'understood' it was just us two gals, and a kitten, in the truck, and we were tired, overly cautious, but not impaired! That made all the difference. That's the first time I have ever been pulled over. This policman was really fair, more than fair, helpful...yeah....both.                                                   One thing is for certain, none of that was scarier than the TASHEREAU!!!

Just leave a comment, if you want. I know my grieving is one of millions, who are...

http://www.cancer.ca/ccs/internet/niw_splash/0%2C%2C3172%2C00.html

http://www.alzheimer.ca/

  http://www.ottawahospital.on.ca/sc/cancer/index-e.asp

Prayers are free!!!

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July 19, 2007

Balance

While drinking I seemed to vacillate between feeling totally invisible,
and believing I was the center of the universe.
Searching for that elusive balance between the two
has become a major part of my recovery.
The moon I constantly cried for is, in sobriety, rarely full;
it shows me instead its many other phases,
and there are lessons in them all.
True learning has often followed an eclipse, a time of darkness,
but with each cycle of my recovery,
the light grows stronger and my vision is clearer.
Reprinted from Daily Reflections, Page 103, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

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Thought to Ponder....

In the depth of winter
I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.